motivation vs discipline

It's such a strange feeling to have gone from two years of working out constantly, almost daily, to not having any dicipline whatsoever to make it the gym even a few times a week. I have the motivation to go. I have all my reasons of wanting to work out. I have that feeling in my chest of, "Yes, I want to work out. Let's do this!" but then I just keep sitting here. I have no discipline. My body has changed so much since I stopped working out, which I knew it would, but fuck is it depressing.

As I am typing this out, I am sitting here & listening to music. I have plans of going to the gym, but I’m not going to lie, I totally feel like staying home. I have anxiety about being around people right now. I have mixed feelings of wanting to go to the gym & asking myself, “Do you really want to be around other people? How can you even think of being in public looking the way you do?” It’s so annoying to have these thoughts. But I’m not going to get better, physically or mentally, by staying home. I would head to the little gym, but it doesn’t have the equipment I need for squats, deadlifts, or bench presses.

I literally dream of having a home gym. That would be so amazing. Once we are able to buy a home, I will make sure we have space for a gym. Gym is life even if times of being burnt out or laziness.